In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Why Breaking Relations - Part-1
By Irshad Mahmood – Director, Siraat-al-Mustaqeem Dawah Centre

The moment a person is born, his/her relationship builds up with the world, which includes parents, brothers, sisters, other relatives, as well as whole world in addition to relationship with Allah (God). He/she according to time learns how to deal with the people around him/her, which are dependent upon his/her neighborhood, which includes home as well. If he/she does not learn manor to deal with the people around him/her, then he/she could be looser in his/her life. Many relations are being broken due to intolerance and not respecting each other. The Quraan teaches us to deal with it and respect all, without any discrimination. Forgiveness is the key to resolve any matters as taught by the Quraan.

Responsibilities do Change, BUT Don’t Break Relations. Below are key Relationships:

1>      Relationship with Allah (God)
2>      Relationship with Parent/Child
3>      Relationship with Brothers
4>      Relationship with Sisters
5>      Relationship with Uncles
6>      Relationship with Aunts
7>      Relationship with Cousins
8>      Relationship with Spouses (Husband/Wife/Wives)
9>      Relationship with Other Relatives
10>    Relationship with Friends
11>    Relationship with Neighborhood
12>    Relationship with City
13>    Relationship with Province/State
14>    Relationship with Country
15>    Relationship with the World

We are all human and we do mistakes again and again, which need to be corrected. Someone need to standup and make peace among them, and get great reward from Allah, otherwise Allah may question them on the day of judgment, which will be too late to reconcile, (Ref. Al_Quraan_049:009-012).

People who can come forward to make peace and get Great Reward from Allah:

1>      Parent
2>      Children
3>      Brothers
4>      Sisters
5>      Uncles
6>      Aunts
7>      Friends
8>      Husband
9>      Wife/Wives
10>    Other Relatives
11>    Neighbors
12>    Teachers
13>    Students
14>    Police and Law & order enforcing authorities
15>    City councilors
16>    Province/State Assembly members
17>    Country/National Assembly members
18>    United Nations

Tips on Dealing with People:

It is human nature to burn up on certain, things or words or others attitude/tone towards him/her. Bullying and Yelling hurts, and people may do suicide. Sticks and stones break only skin, while words and actions live in their mind permanently. Bullying may kill people including your loved ones. We must stand up, speak up and make it stop before it gets too late. Those who do Bullying must need to be send to correction center.

We all need to learn how to talk with manners, dignity and respects, regardless of elders/youngers. We need to train ourselves to become a role model in our society. We need to learn Effective Communication (a Two Way Communication) to deal with these matters in the light of the Quraan. Brothers and Sisters must be BEST Friends to each other regardless of Elders or Youngers.

THINK before you speak, since you will be question on the Day of Judgment on each of your actions. Remember, no action is also an action itself. Each and every letters of THINK itself stands for.
T    = is it really True?
H    = is it Helpful?
I    = is it Inspiring?
N    = is it Necessary?
K    = is it Kind

Use soft tone instead of harsh one, e.g. instead to saying “You never helped me, look you saw and didn’t help me”, or you say like yelling “Hey, Do this” or “Hey, Do that”, or say “Are you blind, deaf or dumb”, just say “can you please help me”. Do consult with your loved ones and be tolerant on collective decisions, if that is not against the Quraan and Authentic Sunnah. Inshaa Allah that will help cooling down all and if others didn’t help just keep calm, be patient and ask Allah to help you. If you get help from your loved ones in your hardships, you must accept that and give reward to him/her if you can afford to do so. You must not forget those who are very close to you like under the candle light there is dark. If for all you are the best example but for your closed loved ones you are terrible then wait, and Allah will tell you on the Day of Judgment or correct yourself before it gets too late. For your closed loved ones you must be the best friend regardless of elder or younger and mind your language before saying, Think before You Ink. You must say “Jazaak Allah Khair (May Allah Reward You for this Help, AMEEN) / Thank You”, after getting help at least. Problems do come in our lives as a test or alarming punishments. If someone is badly sick/disabled or having other hardships, it could be a test for him/her or alarming punishment. While for others who are not in hardship may also having test for this, to check that if they are helping those having hardship as much as they can. If they do help what they can, then they are safe, otherwise they will be questioned on the Day of Judgment. Many times Elders/Rich/Powerful people create problems due to their PRIDE and thinking that they are BIG, this is Devils (Shaitaanic) work and that may lead them to hardship by Allah. Remember: You cannot change others but you can change yourself.

Tips to Save Your Marriages:

Many people act first and then they cry rest of their life including their children, due to not taking the Guidance from the Quraan. The Quraan has given Clear Guidance for each and every situation including Divorce. Reasons of Divorce (Talaaq) are many, which could be Differences in Status, Understanding, Unnecessary spending, Un-Islaamic Activities in Marriages, other Un-Islaamic Ceremonies, and falsely blaming each other etc. After Divorce they try to look for shortcut of Halaalah (Temporarily Marriages), which is Zina/Rape. No Marriage is Marriage if it is for fixed period of time.

Divorce is on the rise, since not releasing each other’s problem. World is changing and you must change yourself accordingly. Now it is extremely hard to survive for a family on single earnings and many women have started working to boost their family income to support their family. It is time to realize our women’s great help for our family and help them as well for ongoing housekeeping. Many time parents don’t educate their children about marriage life that is one of the reasons Divorce happens. Help the needy does not mean to neglect your loved ones. It has been observed that a man married wife of his brother’s (who has passed away) but neglecting his own first wife and children, and divorced happen with his first wife and his own children are suffering. This is totally unjust with his loved one and he will sure be question on the Day-of-Judgment and that will be too late. It has been observed that many of the women do not realize how hard her husband is working to support his family and later on due to disrespecting husband, she gets divorce. For those women who don’t understand how hard it is to earn, it is advised to take a month break and try yourself to support your family without husband’s income and see. Perhaps that will be life long experience to save their marriages. One must go through Marriage Counselling or Marriage Guide. Please find link for Marriage Counselling.

Tips on Dealing with Mother-in-Law & Daughter-in-Law:

Mother-in-Law & Daughter-in-Law are very critical and that may trigger Divorce among Husband and Wife/Wives due to not realizing their responsibilities. Both need to accept each other as their own mother and daughter. Due to bad image from Movie and Dramas, many are judgmental about their Mother-in-Law & Daughter-in-Law, but in reality they might be very loving. Don’t be judgmental about each other. Don’t demand separate home in the very beginning, vast majority of people around the world might not afford to buy or rent new home, does not mean that they don’t need to marry. In many mega cities families are living in one or two rooms and sharing kitchen/bath and they are not able to afford to have living/dining rooms. Mothers need to realize that now his son has more responsibilities so she should spare him. Also Wife/Wives need to understand theirs husband’s responsibilities otherwise they will have consequences which may trigger divorce at later stage. Today if any Daughter-in-Law separates her mother-in-law tomorrow she might be separated by her own Daughter-in-Law. Divorce may also happen if one or both of spouses have children from previous relations and instead of helping them and get great reward from Allah, they become judgmental and falsely start blaming each other. After marital relations buildups, their children become legal children except for inheritance. If mother-in-law is not disabled then she should not act like a true disabled and become fully burden on daughter-in-law, instead help her family and help her grand kids, then Inshaa Allah she will get true happiness in their lives. If due whatever reason, daughter-in-law does not accepts her mother-in-law, in that case, if she can live with her own daughter, then son-in-law must accept her. This will help his own kids learn how to help their own parents, and Inshaa Allah he will get great rewards from Allah. Remember: What you plant today will harvest later.

Tips on Respecting Your Parent:

Many times Parent do not teach their own kids how to deal with the people and what Allah has taught in the Quraan and later they suffer, since perhaps they do not know themselves. Regardless of what parent has done, kids duties are to help their parent and when they become old do not say even a single word of Disrespect (Ahh! or Offs etc.). Once your parent crosses the age of 55, treat them as young old, but if they live longer than 65 years of age then treat them as middle old, and if they live longer than 75 years of age then that is bonus age for them called very old. Prophet Muhammad (Peace-Be-Upon-Him) lived for around 63 years. It has been observed that those who disrespect their parent they face hardship in their life and sometime their own kids do the same to them what they have done to their own parent at earlier stage. Respect your parent before it gets too late. There is NO place of old home in the Quraan. You must live along with your parent, if possible and respect them as well as follow the commandments of Allah, (Ref: Al_Quraan_002:083, 004:036, 006:151, 017:023, 029:008, 031:014, 046:015). Remember: What you plant today will harvest later.

Prevention is better than cure. We love to teach our kids all the modern and professional courses which may help them to earn big money, BUT we hardly teach our kids (boys/girls) about life after marriage, when they are grown up, and perhaps we might not know ourselves as well. As a parents or guardians or friends it is our great responsibility to teach them Marriage Counseling in the light of the Quraan and Authentic Sunnah, so that they may avoid any consequences in future.

Tips on Dealing with Youngers, Poor, or Week:

Many times your loved ones (specially your Elder Brothers or Elder Sisters or those who are rich) may force you to do something without realizing your problems, which is another cause of breaking relations. E.g. if one force you to pay Zakat (Charity), without realizing that you are in hardship and don’t have enough money to pay the fare to travel to find job and instead have to walk several miles, or forcing you to do some other things without realizing that you or your spouse or your loved one is having hardship due to critical illness like Cancer/Heart-Bypass/Heart-Pacemaker/Other Disabilities etc., or do not ask you how is going in your hardships. That is the reason for breaking relationship. Big shame on those who don’t help those relatives/friends/neighbors who are going through hardships including critical illnesses and it will be too late after they passed away.

Today you still might have time to repent, BUT tomorrow it could be too late. Repent now before it gets too late. Not following Allah’s Commandments is Breaking Relation with Allah. It is my humble request to all Masjid organizers to start Quraanic Arabic Language Course in Masjids for free. It will help Ajmi Muslims to understand the Quraan and protect themselves from Great Sins. Be Careful, if you are BIG (Brother/Sister/Rich/Power/Educated).

To Be Continued in Part-2

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