How can a mother win the pleasure of her daughter in-law?
By Zaheer Shakeel

Ideal Mothers-in-Law:

Many mothers-in-law treat their daughters-in-law just as they treat their own daughters, and are very supportive towards them and their new life; this is because the daughter-in-law is not only the wife of her son, but is also the future mother of her grandchildren, who are usually dearer to the grandparents than their own children.

Problematic Mothers-in-Law:

On the other hand, there are many cases where the new wife is regarded as the personal property of the mother in-law, but why? In many traditions, the wife is dealt with as the property of her husband, and since the son is the property of his parents, then it follows that the ownership of the wife is in the hands of her in-laws, and this is a very dangerous predicament.

Role of Mothers-in-Law:

The mother plays a very sensitive role in the life of her children; a single incorrect move on her part could cause her children's lives to turn into intolerable misery. On the other hand an affectionate touch from the mother could render her son’s household into heaven. The following are some things a mother in-law could do to win the pleasure of her daughter in-law:

Mothers-in-Law Express joy upon seeing her:

Some mothers-in-law show so much happiness at seeing their daughters in-law that it causes the latter to forget about all their problems.

Mothers-in-Law treat her Daughters-in-Law as her own daughter:

If she deals with her with a motherly touch, the mother in-law would win the heart of her daughter in-law.

If her son were to ever wrong his wife, she would advise him and encourage him to rectify all the problems that have occurred, as well as to be kind to her.

If any dispute takes place between her own daughter and her daughter in-law, she should side with her daughter in-law and say to her daughter: “You are my own daughter, but she is a stranger who has no one to support her.” This behaviour is exhibited by an ideal mother in-law, one who fears Allaah and seeks to make her son’s house a happy one, and who seeks to strengthen the relationship between her and the daughter in-law.

Husband’s Duty:

The man’s personality is what governs the type of relation his mother will have with his wife: The solution to the chronic problems between a mother and her daughter in-law depends on the son’s personality and how wisely he deals with matters, as well as how strong a personality he has. The husband should make his wife understand that her respecting his mother is an expression of her respect for him, and that her having a good relationship with his mother will also reflect on her relationship with him. The husband should always remember that the right of the parents takes precedence over the right of the wife; as Allaah Says (what means): “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as]: 'uff' [i.e., an expression of
disapproval or irritation] and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.

And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: 'My Lord! Have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.' Your Lord is most knowing of what is within yourselves. If you should be righteous [in intention] – then indeed He is ever, to the often returning [to Him], Forgiving." [Al_Quraan_017.023-025]

Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! - He whose parents, one or both of them, attain old age during his lifetime, but he does not enter Paradise (by being dutiful to them)." [Muslim]

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