In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Divorce in the Quraan
By Irshad Mahmood - Director, Siraat-al-Mustaqeem Dawah Centre
Remember the purpose of Marriage is not to do Divorce:This is the worse hated Halaal, which Allah has made lawful to us, in an extremely difficult situation.Women may take Separation: Women are not Slave:And
if a woman fears abuse or desertion on the part of her husband, there
is no blame on them, if they effect a reconciliation between them, and
reconciliation is better, and avarice has been made to be present in
the (people's) minds; and if you do good (to others) and guard (against
evil), then surely Allah is aware of what you do, (Ref:
Al_Quraan_004.128).Rout Cause of all the Anger: Spouses NOT knowing their Responsibilities:Marriage
is neither a joke nor a play instead it is only for the love of Allah
and Sunnah of Rasool Allah (Peace-Be-Upon-Him). In our sweet home we
may have been living along with parent, kids and spouse and may have
other relatives as well. Islaam teaches LOVE with our parents, spouse
kids and other relatives. It will not be love if we try to separate the
family. We need to learn how to live all happily and united. Let us
take an example of Husband and wife living with their kids and parents.
We all have some needs.1>
Need to educate our kids, so we must send them school, timing could be
9:00 AM to 3:00 PM, which needs daily preparation for the school.2>
Treat with the parents in a grateful manner, BUT if parents are very
old then we cannot say even a single word of contempt. So who will look
after parent while husband is at work?3> Need many other things for the spouse as well as for myself too.4> For all of these requirements we need money, for which we need to go and work sincerely.If
all of these requirements are to be done during the day, then how can a
Husband go to work, look after parent and kids and do housekeeping as
well and all at one time, like multitasking. E.g. 9:00 AM must be at the office, 9:00 AM must be at the school to drop the kids, 9:00
AM must be with the parents for the company and also 9:00 AM doing the
entire house keeping. It simply means killing the Husband. If wife is
intelligent enough then she can share all other during the day time,
while husband can concentrate on the work. Husband cannot concentrate
on work if his mind is taken away. He will be like living in a torture
cell in his own house.For working women, husband MUST need to share the load from his wife.
If they can afford they must go for alternate help, like child day care
or other support, of course those will not be free and have to pay the
price for each services required.Men
are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given
the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them
from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient,
and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them
guarded. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill
conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and
last) beat them (lightly). But if they return to obedience, seek not
against them means (of annoyance). For Allah is Most High, Great (above
you all), (Ref: Al_Quraan_004.034).And
do not covet that by which Allah has made some of you excel others; men
shall have the benefit of what they earn and women shall have the
benefit of what they earn; and ask Allah of His grace; surely Allah
knows all things, (Ref: Al_Quraan_004.032).Lodge
them where you lodge according to your means, and do not injure them in
order that you may straiten them; and if they are pregnant, spend on
them until they lay down their burden; then if they suckle for you,
give them their recompense and enjoin one another among you to do good;
and if you disagree, another (woman) shall suckle for him. Let him who
has abundance spend out of his abundance and whoever has his means of
subsistence straitened to him, let him spend out of that which Allah
has given him; Allah does not lay on any soul a burden except to the
extent to which He has granted it; Allah brings about ease after
difficulty, (Ref: Al_Quraan_065.006-007).In Brief:
If a wife lives like a house wife, then what ever she gets from her
husband is her earnings, e.g. own/rented house, boarding and lodgings
etc. and all that is not for free.How to Avoid Divorce:
Keep
smiling and showing true love to your spouse. After all, your spouse is
a human being and may do mistakes, so keep forgiving him. If you didn’t
like one thing in her/him, there might be other things good for you as
well.Certain
words could act as Bullying, and may lead to separation. So always
AVOID loose talks, it does not display Love. Hurting your husband
MENTALLY, could lead to dangerous diseases like HEART ATTACK, STROKE,
DIABETES, BLOOD PRESSURE etc., for his whole life. Say sorry if you
think that you are wrong or it is proved that you are wrong. Sometime
it is very helpful to say sorry even if you are not wrong. What will
you say to Allah on the Day of Judgment, if you are wrong, or even just
to say sorry could save you both from Great Mental Torture in your
life. I have seen some families have been separated and kids are
suffering, which could be avoided with SWEET TONGUE and true love.
Generally Husbands need a little peace of mind at home, especially
after coming from laborious work. Always say YES to your husband if he
is under the boundary limit of the Quraan. Usually the problem may
start, when the Husband says something and the wife straightly or
rudely says NO. If husband is wrong, you may be wrong as well, after
all you are also a human being, so try to explain to him at a different
time or try different methods, give more examples to explain to him if
you feel you are right and keep making duaa for him. If both the
spouses are working then that is different issue, and both needs to
take care of each other and make duaa for each other as well.The
righteous women are devoutly obedient (Always YES Husband under the
limit of the Quraan), and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah
would have them guard, (Ref: Al_Quraan_004.034).Forgiveness is the key element to avoid Divorce and Allah loves forgiveness.Anger is the Root of all Major Problems including Divorce:…
But consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may happen
that ye hate a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good, (Ref:
Al_Quraan_004.019).Because
of Anger a person may get stroke, heart attack, blood pressure,
diabetes and many other dangerous diseases. So do you want to take any
of those diseases because of the anger or do you want to give any of
those diseases to your spouse because of the anger? Remember if any of
you gets a single disease like that the whole family suffers and the
kids suffer the most.Also
a person may do many crimes in anger, like unjust and divorce. So,
would you like to get the divorce due to that anger and make your
children suffer or other unjust? Remember unjust is very dangerous.
Since Allah already warned that any one who do unjust he is a
Disbeliever, (Ref: Al_Quraan_005.044).A
wife may be in the state of CURSE BY ANGELS till her husband comes out
of his anger. Also during in the state of anger all their worships
might not be accepted.… Cause him to sleep in ANGER; the angels will curse her till morning, (Ref: Bukhari Vol-4, Book-54, Hadith-460).There
may be some women and children who are men’s enemy, BUT women and
children must AVOID to be in that group, since those may go to HELL for
ever and ever only because of that silly act.O
you who believe! surely from among your wives and your children there
is an enemy to you; therefore beware of them; and if you pardon and
forbear and forgive, then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful, (Ref:
Al_Quraan_064.014).Spouses must have love and mercy among them. Anger is not a love and mercy or rest.And
of his signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that
ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy.
Lo, herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect, (Ref:
Al_Quraan_030.021).Possible Solutions to Anger:Seek
refuge in Allah, ask Allah for forgiveness and forgive and hug your
spouse with love. It is human nature to become angry BUT don’t be angry
from your spouse for more than 3
minutes, think positive and remember his kindness to help to forget the
anger. Give SMILE and HUG with love and say sorry as well. May Allah
protect all us from ANGER, AMEEN.…
But consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may happen
that ye hate a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good, (Ref:
Al_Quraan_004.019).How to do Divorce:
You
are only allowed to Divorce, if she does not obey you according to
Islaamic Laws. Also you are not allowed to keep her forcefully, if she
does not want to live with you.
Step 1: First try to resolve verbally with talks and warn your wife.Step 2:
If still your wife does not obey you under Islaamic Laws then leave
them alone in their bedroom and don’t share the bed for some periods.Step 3:
Final step is to beat/touch them lightly (for lessons/attentions and
not for hurting her), till she starts obeying you or you decided to do
Divorce. Like, if a kid is doing wrong, you slap him, in such a way
that he don’t do it again. Not on the face and don’t even try to break
the bone, just for lesson/attention.Step 4:
If still problem is not resolved, then you give First Divorce (Tillaaq)
in front of close relatives of both sides for witnesses.Step 5:
Keep your wife in your home, till she fulfills her term (Iddat). During
this time you have right to forgive her and starts sharing bed. This
will be First Divorce.Step 6: If still the problem is not resolved then, you need to repeat Step1 through Step 5. Second or Third Time.After Third time Divorce she will not be Halaal for you at all.Divorce by Cooling off:If
one is silently separated even inside his home and not reconciling with
his wife for four months, and his intention is to divorce on this
separation, then it will count as one divorce. That is one of the main
reasons why many scholars do not recommend on working out of station
and living there for more than three months without any valid reason.
So try to find the work where you live with your family or at least you
can visit them within three months.Those
who intend to divorce their wives shall wait four months (cooling off);
if they change their minds and reconcile, then GOD is Forgiver,
Merciful, (Ref: Al_Quraan_002.226).Men protectors and maintainers of Women:Men
are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given
the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them
from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient,
and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them
guarded. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill
conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and
last) beat them (lightly). But if they return to obedience, seek not
against them means (of annoyance). For Allah is Most High, Great (above
you all), (Ref: Al_Quraan_004.034).If
you are living in a non-Muslim country, after separation, you will need
to divide your assets among yourselves as per your country's law, which
might not be according to the Quraan. In that case you must tell your
wife that as per Quraan the Inheritance Law is different, but I cannot
not break the country's law to avoid further consequences and that is
totally in your hand, so you will be questioned on the day of judgment
regarding this, unless you leave it voluntary in written, since in my
assets, I have shares of my parents, kids, and other relatives etc. as
well, according to the Quraan. In case of working wife, the situation
should be tackle according to earnings of the both the parties and
division should be balanced.http://www.global-right-path.com/Download-PDF-eBooks/Global_Islaamic_Inheritance_Law.pdfMen
are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given
the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them
from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient,
and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them
guarded. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill
conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and
last) beat them (lightly). But if they return to obedience, seek not
against them means (of annoyance). For Allah is Most High, Great (above
you all), (Ref: Al_Quraan_004.034).Responsibilities for close Relatives & Friends:If
you feel that there is some problem going on with husband and wife
then, at least one person from husband side and one person from wife
side should sit together and try to resolve all the issues. That is one
of the reasons why you must need to take concern of your parents and
relatives for marriage. Also you get inheritance from your parent and
women get more percentage of inheritance from their parent than her
husband. And also if for some reason there is separation, where should
she go other than her parents? Nowhere except her parent if alive.And
if you fear a breech between them twain (the man and wife), appoint an
arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire
amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever Knower,
Aware, (Ref: Al_Quraan_004.035).Halaala (Temporary Marriages):No Marriage is Marriage, if it is temporary for fixed period of time, instead it will be a kind of rape (zina). Marriages are with Love, while Divorces are with Hate. No sincere husband can divorce her loving wife with love.In
Islaam, marriage is a blessed permanent contract between a man and a
woman for the whole life, in which each becomes “permitted” to the
other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love,
cooperation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the
other, and finds tranquility, contentment and comfort in the company of
the other. The Quraan has described this relationship between men and
women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most
moving and eloquent terms:Since
Halaala is a Marriage for fixed period of time, ranging from few
minutes to several years, so it is invalid and it is like Rape (Zina).
Marriages are with Love, while Divorces are with Hate. No sincere
husband can divorce her loving wife with love.Sincere Advise to Sisters:Be
careful with the man made rules of Halaala (Temporary Marriage) and
protect every sisters from being raped by this man made rules.Try
to win the heart of your husband and his parents with true love. If
your mother-in-law is living with you, try to capture her in your hand
with true love, which may help to win the heart of your husband. Give
options and ask her advises and obey her if it is not against the
Quraan (e.g. for cooking or setting Living/Guest Rooms etc). In reality
Parents including your spouse's parents are Great gift from Allah, who
have many good experiences to share with you for your success, so
listen and obey them with positive attitude, if it is not against the
Quraan.You
also need to learn from other societies. It is my personal observations
in Canada, where Chinese communities are doing very well. One of reason
I found that they truly love and help each other. Their retired
grandparents look after their grand kids, while young people male and
female work, work and work, without wasting any time and of course
after getting good education where ever they can.Also,
you must need to take lessons from Rasool Allah (Peace Be Upon Him),
since his life has the best example to the mankind, which starts from
his birth till He (Peace Be Upon Him) passed away. Initially, Rasool
Allah (Peace Be Upon Him) was living with foster mother respected
Halima (RA), that is a sign of Child Day Care etc. This gives an idea
to help each other to grow together. Later he (Peace Be Upon Him)
married one of the best business women, respected Khadija (RA), which
leads us that our women can be business women as well, of course they
must fulfill the requirement of Hijaab. Later he (Peace Be Upon Him),
married to respected Ayisha (RA), who was very genius and talented
teacher of this Ummah and later after Rasool (Peace Be Upon Him), she
(RA) used to teach in Al-Masjid al-Nabaw in the city of Medina.Also
it is my personal observations that those who gets retired and do
nothing after retirement, many of them are getting heart stroke,
diabetic etc. Try to spend more active time on learning and teaching
the Quraanic Directives, if you don't understand the Quraan, read
translation till you learn Arabic language. To live healthy you need a
balanced diet and exercises. By doing household works you also get lots
of exercises. Keep in mind, in those areas where people are having
severe food shortage, you will hardly find any obeast person. First
symptom that one may get heart stroke, diabetic etc. is his/her belly
getting bigger except for pregnant women.Learn
and Teach what Allah is saying, instead of people is saying. Read
translation of the Quraan to understand and follow it, if you
don't understand Arabic.Non-Practicing Muslims are like ASS / Donkey carrying books, (Ref: Al_Quraan_062.005).None argue concerning the revelations (Ayaat) of Allah but those who disbelieve …, (Ref: Al_Quraan_040.004).